Questions About Celibacy
Isn't celibacy simply avoiding sex and not getting married?
It is much more than this. Celibacy is another way of loving. It involves skills. Celibacy skills demand that one be able to access his or her social side and his or her heart. In other words, one should have developed the ability to self-disclose, to tell one's thoughts and feelings to another person with confidence. I don't just mean to a mentor or spiritual director or counselor but also to a peer.
A celibate needs to be able to enter and maintain a mutual friendship. This means that he celibate might fall in love. Therefore celibates must be in touch with their heart. They better be able to name their emotion so that it doesn't control them. They must learn appropriate boundaries. Which behaviors fit the commitment of the friendship and which go beyond the level of commitment in the friendship?
Celibate people need to be able to get their emotional needs met in healthy and appropriate ways. In other words, if they are lonely, they should know how to make a call and initiate conversation with a friend or visit a family where they know that they are cared for. Or they sometimes need to sit and allow the lonliness to pass over them. This last point means that celibate people have the ability to enjoy their own company. They don't need to fill up the "empty" time with frenetic activity.
Celibates are able to delay gratification. They can't always have what they want when they want it. This is sometimes true of the desire to talk to a friend as in those instances when the friend won't be available. On the other hand, it is always true of genital expression. Celibates abstain from sex.
A final very important skill to live celibately is a prayer life. One who has a relationship with God that includes regular and honest conversation with the Lord will discover the joy of remaining celibate for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven.
Can I join if I have some sexual experience?
Are you talking about sinful behavior or marital love? If you mean the former, recall that the Lord is merciful and allows us to repent and change. God's grace permits us to make a decision for chastity and celibacy. Most dioceses and religious orders will ask for two years of intentional celibacy before accepting you into formation. Let's face it, present behavior is a good predictor of future action. Can you be celibate? Regarding the latter, there have been a few moms, dads and even grandparents, who entered formation. Their spouses had died or they obtained church annulments.
